Things I Want To Say But Shouldn't!

Sometimes there are things I want to say to people but I know I shouldn't say. Here are some examples:

(1) Take a hike!
(2) Leave me alone!
(3) Talk to the hand.
(4) Little old lady: "You're an angel." My response: "Heh, I know I am, but what are you?"
(5) I wasn't born yesterday!
(6) Person who asks: "Will you pray for me?" Me at my worst: "You're just the 10 billionth person who has me that in the last year!"
(7) Charismatic people will say to me "oh, you are doing so much good for others by offering up your suffering." My response: God gave me this cross for my salvation, first and foremost, so get the *bleep* out of my life!"
(8) Pray for me. Don't pray over me.
(9) To politicians: "The world would be better off if YOU kept SILENT!"
(10) Go blow it out your old wazoo!
(11) To people in church: "I am in God's house and trying to have a private conversation with Him. Back off or wait your turn."
(12) To old people who repeat things: "I've heard that before. Turn the record over please?!"
(13) Have you ever heard of the word "discretion"?
(14) Private property! Keep away, unless invited to speak to me!
(15) Airing your dirty laundry in public is VERY unflattering.


There, I've said it. This is meant to be a joke...nothing more. I love you all! Have a wonderful day!